Growing up I was always interested in birth order books and other personality tests. Whenever I’d see a quiz in a magazine or have the opportunity to take a career prediction test at school, I would anxiously await the results. I couldn’t wait to see how my answers to these questions could bring some new revelation about myself.
So, from my early studies of personality traits, it is easy to conclude in the story of Martha and Mary, that Martha is the older sister. She feels like she needs to do everything correctly and follow the rules. And when you are hosting guests, you need to make sure everything is perfect.
I too am an older sister, and my brother and I had very different strategies to completing our daily chores. I would get right to them so I could check them off my list and move on, but my brother would wait until the last minute before my parents would get home. Often times, I would end up helping him with his chores because he’d waited too long to complete the tasks. I didn’t want him to get in trouble, but that meant I was doing more than my share of the chores.
Now, we don’t know if Jesus’ visit was planned or if he spontaneously stopped by for a visit. But I would dare to say, Jesus didn’t text them to let them know he’d be there in an hour, so then adding a little more stress to Martha’s plate. Even if it was a planned visit, I believe that Martha was so consumed with preparing food and making up a bed for their guest of honor that she overwhelmed herself with thinking the tasks had to be done before she could enjoy herself. Similar to how I’d do my chores first thing, so I could have that task off my list, and be able to do what I wanted to do.
I understand how Martha could be frustrated because she knew the work required of having a guest and Mary wasn’t helping. It is often then, the conclusion that Mary’s actions were like my brother, putting off his chores until later. However, I’m not sure that is completely accurate either.
I also relate to Mary, knowing that when you have guests, it means more than having a clean bathroom and their favorite type of coffee creamer. Hosting a guest in your home also means you are attentive to them and do whatever you can to make them feel comfortable. Mary took on the responsibility of entertaining the guest.
Over the past 10 months, I’ve had 8 groups of visitors come to stay overnight. In addition to making sure the guest bedroom and bathroom were clean, I spent much time plotting out potential activities that would be of interest to the specific guest. My husband and I planned meals according to the likes of the guest, and genuinely doing all we could to make the guest feel welcomed and loved.
So, when I reflect on this scripture and on these two women and their actions, I believe they were both doing what they thought was best to be hospitable to their guest. I really don’t know the birth order of the sisters, nor where Lazarus fits into the mix, but regardless of birth order or what number Mary and Martha would be on an Enneagram, they were both working to make Jesus feel welcomed and loved.
Moreover, I believe the important part of the scripture is not their actions, rather Jesus’ words. Jesus tells Martha that she worries too much and that she needs to slow down and rest. Not only just rest but rest with Him. The moral of the story is for everyone, not just Martha. It is a simple reminder that hospitality is about relationship. The very definition of hospitality says, it is the “friendly and generous reception of guests,” and not making sure you have dusted off the top of your refrigerator.
Further, Jesus tells Martha that Mary has chosen the better path, not to demean her or take away value from the work she did or was doing to make his visit comfortable. He did it to make the point that those tasks are distractions from the thing that is most important, and that is spending time with Him. And that can look like spending time in prayer or playing catch with your kids outside or talking to your neighbor.
It is a good reminder to stop filling the day with tasks and to spend time with Jesus today. And if you are a A type personality, it is okay to schedule it on your calendar 😉
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